


Attribute of the Strong

by Arboreal



Series: Attribute of the Strong [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Gen, Pre-Relationship, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 06:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arboreal/pseuds/Arboreal
Summary: After the fall of SHIELD, Steve Rogers makes a different decision about what secrets are meant to be kept.  Despite grief and anger, Tony Stark finds his way.





	Attribute of the Strong

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to [dls](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/dls/pseuds/dls) for betaing this fic and cheerleading the whole way!

When Tony arrived at the door to Steve’s room at Walter Reed Medical Center, Steve was asleep, still bruised and battered despite the accelerated healing provided by the supersoldier serum.  How bad must his injuries have been, Tony thought, if he still looked like this days later?  Surrounded by the white walls of the hospital room and the medical equipment quietly monitoring his vitals, Steve looked small and vulnerable in the hospital bed and something ached in Tony’s chest to see it.

Tony knew he wasn’t looking so hot himself.  He’d been running full tilt since the first reports of Fury’s assassination surfaced and he began frantically trying to contact his teammates, redoubling his efforts when the subsequent manhunt for Captain America and the Black Widow was announced.  Then Maria Hill had finally called with a rushed explanation about a faked death, extensive HYDRA infiltration, and three helicarriers poised to kill millions if allowed to launch, and Tony had thrown himself into creating a program that would seize control of the helicarriers and turn them on each other.

Unfortunately, there had been no way to bypass the security measures remotely.  Someone would have to physically board all three helicarriers and upload the program into each of their onboard computers directly.  Tony had already been suiting up, prepared to beard that lion in its den himself, but stopped when JARVIS warned him of the likelihood that HYDRA would launch the helicarriers immediately if Iron Man was seen making a beeline straight for D.C..  Gritting his teeth in frustration, he sent the program to Maria and had had to trust that the others would be able to reach the helicarriers in time while he was stuck hundreds of miles away.

Not long after, he had received a coded message, this time from Natasha, alerting him that the combined files of SHIELD and HYDRA were about to be dumped on the open internet and asking him to do what he could to mitigate the fallout.  There was no way for her to filter out the purely SHIELD files and release only HYDRA’S, she’d said, the two organizations were too intimately linked and there was no time to sift through all the data.  Tony cursed at the short notice, but her warning gave him and JARVIS crucial time to prepare.  As the data began to upload, JARVIS had concentrated on diverting information that could put people into immediate danger before it could be accessed by anyone else.  Weapon designs, security codes to sensitive areas, the current locations of agents and allies of SHIELD and their families, all disappeared from the data release. 

JARVIS had also flagged those individuals that needed immediate extraction despite his precautions.  The latter were forwarded to Tony who began both calling in favors from across the globe to bring in as many as he could to safety. 

Tony and JARVIS, along with a growing handful of New York-based SHIELD agents who gathered in Stark Tower to help, had worked around the clock to rescue everyone they could.  They had saved far more people than they had lost, but the failures still weighed heavily. 

Now going on nearly three days with barely time to breathe, Tony was exhausted.  By all rights he should be sleeping the sleep of the bone-weary right now, not lurking in hospital hallways after making the flight from New York to D.C. while punch drunk from fatigue, but he’d needed to see his teammates with his own eyes.  Make sure they were safe, if not exactly well in Steve’s case.   

Tony slipped into Steve’s room as quietly as he could, trying not to disturb the resting supersoldier, but he must not have been successful because Steve rolled his head towards him as soon as he stepped inside.  One eye swollen shut, Steve blinked blearily at him for a few moments before recognition set in.

“Tony,” Steve grinned, slurring slightly.  “Hey.  You came.”

Tony snorted and approached the bed, whistling when he saw the notation on the IV bag.  “Hey yourself, Cap.  They’ve got you drugged to the gills right now, don’t they?”  Steve only hummed in agreement while Tony dragged a chair closer to the side of the bed and sat down with a grateful sigh.

“And of course I came.  We’re friends, aren’t we?  Anyway, aside from being high as a kite, how are you feeling?  ‘Cause you look like shit,” Tony said lightly, smiling when Steve scrunched his nose in annoyance.

“Language, Tony.  And I feel … weird.  Like I might float away.”  He frowned, adding, “I don’t like it.”

“Yeah, well, you’re going to like it a lot less when they start backing you off the good stuff,” Tony told him, not without sympathy, “and you can complain to me about language when you haven’t just brought both a shady spy agency and a Nazi terrorist organization down in one fell swoop.  When you decide to buck the system, you really go all out, don’t you?”

Steve’s face fell and Tony cursed his lack of filter.  There were serious discussions that they all needed to have in the aftermath of HYDRA’s discovery and the destruction of SHIELD, but now was obviously not the time.  “Look, Cap, don’t …”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said wretchedly, “Tony, I’m so, so sorry.”  He began to struggle, trying to sit up, and Tony quickly got to his feet, placing a hand on Steve’s shoulder and urging him to lie back down.

“Steve, stop.  What are you talking about?  I just hung out at the tower and made phone calls while you and Natasha and your new bird friend did all the work.  Now relax, okay?  Things could be better, but they could also be a whole hell of a lot worse.”

Steve shook his head but let himself be eased back to the bed.  “I failed, Tony.  I was meant to take down HYDRA, and I failed.  If I had just done what I was supposed to, they never would have had the chance … It’s all my fault.”  Steve’s breath quickened and Tony could hear the frequency of the heart monitor increase.  Shit, Tony really should have kept his mouth shut.

“Steve, shh, you need to calm down.  You took care of HYDRA.  Believe me, there are three helicarriers at the bottom of the Potomac and several hundred terabytes of classified data on the internet to prove it.”  Tony reached out and gingerly took the hand that wasn’t in a cast.  Steve closed his eyes, squeezing Tony’s hand weakly back, and Tony was struck by just how young Steve looked in this moment.  “If there are any HYDRA left, we’ll take them down together, okay?  You, me, the rest of the Avengers, your bird buddy, we’ll finish them for good this time.” 

Steve opened his eyes again to look at Tony, obviously fighting the effect of the drugs and his own weariness in order to stay awake.  Stubborn idiot, Tony thought fondly.  He was about to pull away and let the other man rest when Steve squeezed his hand again.

“Tony,” he whispered, barely conscious, “found something.  Have to tell you.  Have to …”

“Not now, okay?  Rest.  You can tell me when you’re better and more coherent.  Call me, or come to the Tower.  It’s always open to you.”  He brought his other hand up to run it once over Steve’s hair, a gesture he remembered had soothed him as a child.  “Get some sleep, Steve,” he added gently.

Steve sighed and nodded, closing his eyes again, his breath evening out as he finally allowed himself to fall asleep.  Tony watched over him for a few more minutes, then carefully let go of his hand and quietly left the room. 

Tony found Natasha waiting in the hallway.

Natasha straightened from where she had been leaning against the wall and gestured for Tony to follow, leading them down the hall and around the corner to an empty nurse’s lounge.  She stopped inside, turning around to face him as Tony locked the door behind them.  She remained silent, raising one eyebrow expectantly.  Tony quirked his own eyebrow, but obediently pulled out his phone and laid it on the table, setting it to scan for listening devices.  A moment later the display flashed an all-clear.

“How many?” Natasha asked, face impassive and tone deceptively mild.  She could have been asking about the weather for all the emotion she displayed.  They had spent enough time together in the last few years, though, that Tony wasn’t fooled. 

“There were twelve deaths at the Triskelion,” he said quietly, putting his phone back in his pocket.  “They won’t know for sure who was on which side until they start going through the records.”  Natasha’s lips thinned slightly at the number but nodded for him to continue.  “There were one hundred and six individuals who required immediate extraction after the data leak, mostly SHIELD personnel working in unfriendly or unstable regions.  Eighty four have been brought in safely, fifteen are confirmed dead, and the remaining seven we’ve been unable to locate.  I’m sorry.”      

Natasha’s shoulders slumped as Tony finished, and she leaned heavily against the worn and dented breakroom table, head bowed.  For long seconds the two of them remained like that, nothing but the muffled sounds of the hospital filling the air around them. 

Finally, Natasha drew in a deep breath and released it slowly before pushing away from the table, the brief moment of vulnerability tucked away.

“What else can you tell me?” she asked.

“JARVIS is still working his way through the leaked materials to try find where else HYDRA may have a foothold, but before the team can start dealing with that, we have the more immediate problem of keeping the three of you out of prison.  Even if HYDRA was exposed in the process, a morally ambiguous spy agency just collapsed spectacularly and aired most of its dirty laundry for the world to see.  There are a lot of very powerful, very unhappy people looking for someone to blame for that, and the three of you fit bill.  They’re already calling for a Congressional hearing.  If you don’t want yourself, or Golly the goose, or Wilbur down the hall to disappear into a deep, dark hole, you’re going to have to spin quite the web to convince them, Charlotte.”

The corner of Natasha’s mouth curled upwards.  “I’m telling Steve you called him a talking pig.”

Tony rolled his eyes.  “Oh, please.  He’s so high right now, I could probably convince him he was a talking pig.”

Natasha’s mouth curled a little higher before the pleasure was hidden away.  “I can handle it, Tony, but thank you.”

Tony waved the thanks away.  “If you need anything, either of you, call.  And I’ll tell you the same thing I told Steve.  If you need someplace to go, the Tower is always open to you.  That goes for your new bird friend, too.”  Natasha inclined her head but otherwise didn’t respond.

Tony turned to unlock the door but paused when he remembered his earlier conversation with Steve.  “Natasha, Steve was adamant he needed to tell me something, but besides that he wasn’t making a lot of sense.  He just kept apologizing.  Do you have any idea what he was talking about?”

Natasha pinned him with a considering gaze that made Tony shift uncomfortably before she responded.  “Steve and I learned something at Camp Lehigh.  From what was left of Arnim Zola.”  She paused for a moment, considering.  “I could tell you, Tony, but I think this is something that needs to come from Steve.”

Tony rubbed a hand over his aching forehead in impatience.  “I’m not going to like it, am I?”

“No, Tony.  You’re not,” she said simply, “but Steve needs the chance to explain.” 

Tony sighed in frustration but nodded, unlocking and opening the door into the hallway and gesturing for Natasha to go ahead of him.  They parted ways at the door to Steve’s hospital room, Natasha to stay with the supersoldier for the remainder of the night, Tony to head back to New York to finally sleep and then to help JARVIS sort through the massive amount of leaked information. 

 

~.~.~.

 

It wasn’t until several weeks later that Steve called asking to meet with Tony, uncharacteristically hesitant in a way that put Tony on edge.  Steve arrived at Stark Tower and hour later with a manila folder in hand.  Tony asked JARVIS to bring him to the workshop.

“Hey, Cap,” Tony called as the elevator doors opened, looking up from Iron Man gauntlet he was working on.  “What can I do for you?”

“I need to talk to you,” Steve said.  He smiled a little when DUM-E beeped at him in greeting and then took a seat across the workbench from Tony, setting the folder down in front of himself.  “And this doesn’t seem like a discussion to have over the phone.”

Tony frowned as he set the soldering gun he’d been using aside and gave Steve his undivided attention.  “Alright, I’m listening.”

Steve nodded, wiping his hands on his jeans in a nervous gesture. 

“Before SHIELD fell,” he said eventually, “HYDRA sent a man after us, an assassin.  Someone Natasha called the Winter Soldier.  He’s … he’s the one who shot Fury.”  Steve paused and something like grief crossing his features.  “I fought him on the helicarrier.”

“He’s why you were laid up for a week in the hospital?” Tony asked, anger rising.  He called up a hologram screen.  “I hacked some of the surveillance video of the attack on Fury, but with everything else going on at the time I didn’t do anything with it.  You need help tracking him down?  ‘Cause JARVIS and I can …”

“Tony!” Steve frantically cut in, reaching out to him.  “Tony, please, wait.  Just … wait.”

Tony froze, surprised, hands poised above his keyboard.  “Are you sure?  I can help,” he assured.

Steve eased back into his seat, smiling a little sadly.  “I know, Tony.  I know you can.  But I need you to listen to the rest.”

Tony frowned but dismissed the hologram.  “I mean, okay.  What else do you need to tell me?”

“The man I fought …,” Steve began, running a hand through his hair.  “Natasha … she told me the Winter Soldier had been active for more than fifty years.  I thought … I thought that was impossible.”

“Fifty years?” Tony asked, skeptical.  “Yeah, I don’t blame you.  He’d have to be at least seventy.  I don’t think there are many septuagenarians who could give you much of a fight.  Not many people at any age who could give you much of a fight.  Maybe she meant there’s been a Winter Soldier for fifty years, just not the same person?  Like a code name?” 

Steve shook his head.  “I honestly … At first I didn’t really give it much thought.  There was too much else going on.  He was there, he was as strong and as fast as I was, and he was trying kill us.  I didn’t think there was anything else I needed to know.”  Steve squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as if those words pained him.

“Well,” Tony said uncertainly, “not many people are concerned with the life story of the person actively trying to kill them.  I don’t think you can blame yourself for that one, Cap.  Whoever it was, it was his choice to join HYDRA, and his choice to help them come after you.”   Tony got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he saw the devastation in Steve’s face.  “Steve, what aren’t you telling me?  What’s going on?”

The other man didn’t say anything, just slid the manila folder across the table to Tony with a shaking hand.  Gingerly, with a worried glance to Steve, Tony opened the folder, and almost immediately wished he hadn’t.  In front of him, written in meticulous detail, were page after page of notes describing the systematic torture and brutal experimentation HYDRA had performed on someone only referred to as ‘subject seventeen.’  He had to stop and concentrate on his breathing for a while at the gruesome details of the surgery to replace the man’s ruined left arm with a metal prosthetic, memories of Afghanistan rising unbidden. 

What this man had endured at the hands of HYDRA was barbaric.  Despite everything, though, all the pain and horror dispassionately recorded in the files, Tony could read between the lines, and it was obvious that through it all the guy had kept fighting.  Kept resisting their attempts to turn him into something they could control. Tony couldn’t help but be morbidly impressed.  The man had held on for years.  Then HYDRA began experimenting with a method to use electricity to wipe the man’s memories, erase everything that made him human, and Tony wanted to wipe the sick bastards from the face of the Earth.  He stopped reading when he came to the report of the Winter Soldier’s first successful mission.

He leaned back, feeling nauseous, and finally looked up.  “Jesus, Steve.  It says HYDRA’s had this poor bastard since the _forties_.  That’s … god, I don’t know what that is.  Alright.  Prisoner of war, not willing HYDRA recruit.  That doesn’t make him any less dangerous, you know that right?  Because you’re you, I know you want to help this guy, but he could do a lot of people a lot of harm.”  When Steve only clenched his jaw and looked away, Tony sighed and changed the subject.  “The only way he could have survived all this is if he’d had some version of Erskine’s serum, but I thought you and Schmidt were the only ones who received it.”

“I thought we were,” Steve said, soft and pained, still not looking at Tony, “but Arnim Zola must have been trying to recreate it.  That first mission, when your father and Peggy helped me infiltrate the HYDRA weapons facility where the men from the 107th were being held, Zola had been … he’d been experimenting on the prisoners.  The base was destroyed, we never learned what he was trying to accomplish, but it must have been the serum.” 

“Steve,” Tony said slowly, as the pieces began to fall into place, “Cap, a lot of those men you freed joined your Howling Commandos.  You knew him, didn’t you?  Whoever this guy was before HYDRA got a hold of him, you knew him.”

Steve let out a shaky laugh and nodded, eyes wet.  “Yeah, I knew him.  I’ve known him my whole life.  Bucky … he was … he was strapped to a table when I found him in that weapons facility.  He was the only one that survived the experiments.  If I had known … if I had had any idea he could have survived that fall …”  Steve crossed his arms and leaned forward, curling in on himself.  “After ma died, I was alone.  He was all I had.  He always looked out for me.  What use is being Captain America if I couldn’t do the same for him?”

Tony had no response to that.  The guilt over his friends being dragged into the mess with Killian was still fresh.  How much worse it was for Steve? 

After a few minutes of silence, Tony finally spoke up.  “Steve, what is your plan?  What are you going to do if you find him?  He may have been your friend, but you can’t … He’s dangerous and, looking at the stack of mission reports in this file, brainwashed or not he’s been doing HYDRA’S dirty work for a long time.  What are you planning to do?” 

Steve straightened and glared at Tony.  “That wasn’t Bucky.  That wasn’t him.  It was HYDRA.  It wasn’t his fault.”

Tony rubbed his head in frustration.  “Steve, listen to me.  There may not be anything left of your friend.”

“No, he’s in there.  Bucky is still in there,” Steve argued.  “After the helicarriers crashed, he pulled me out of the river.  He saved me.  He broke his conditioning and he saved me.”

“After trying his damn best to kill you!” Tony shouted in exasperation.  “What about everyone who isn’t a childhood friend of his?  Will he hesitate to kill anyone else who gets in his way?  How do we know he isn’t headed straight back to HYDRA?  And even if you’re right, even if he broke his conditioning and is running, how long is that going to last?  HYDRA is many things, but stupid isn’t one of them.  You think they don’t have a way to bring the Winter Soldier to heel?  Or that they’re the only ones who would be after an assassin like the Winter Soldier?”  Steve started to protest again, but Tony spoke over him.  “We can get him help once he’s been brought in.  Psychiatrists, therapists, neuroscientists, lawyers, the works.  The brainwashing, I might have something that could help with that.  But Steve, he has to be brought in.”

Steve pushed back from the worktable and stood, fists clenched.  “He’s my friend, Tony.  I won’t let anyone hurt him again.  I won’t let anyone use him.”

“So am I, Steve,” Tony said quietly, “so listen to me when I tell you that if you go this alone, even if there is enough of your friend left to salvage, the two of you will be running for the rest of your lives.  Not just from HYDRA and every other two-bit terrorist organization who could use a pet assassin, but from the government of every country the Winter Soldier has stepped foot in for the last fifty years.  Let me help you.  Like you said, what good is all this; my tech, my money, my connections; if I can’t help the people I care about?”

Emotions flashed across Steve’s face, too fast for Tony to catch, before he finally bowed his head, the fight seeming to leave him.  “I know you would help, Tony, but I can’t ask you to.”  Tony felt a flare of hurt before Steve continued, “Find the Winter Soldier’s mission on December 16, 1991.”

Tony felt his breath catch and his heart begin to race.  “Steve …”

“You need to look, Tony,” Steve said softly.

With shaking hands, Tony reached out to the still open folder in front of him, flipping through the pages.  April 1, 1956:  Jacques Dupuy.  A dozen mission reports flash by.  September 8, 1964:  Karl Muller.  March 12, 1973:  Harry Baxtor.  More pages slipped by.  December 16, 1991:  Howard Stark.

Tony stopped, feeling numb.  Mission success.  Howard Stark eliminated.  Maria Stark collateral.  Item procured.  No witnesses.  Video seized. 

“Should have led with that, Cap,” he said, voice hoarse.  He closed the folder and pushed it back across the table.  “I think you need to leave.”

“Tony, I …”

“Now, Steve, before I do something I may regret later.”  The ringing in his ears was so loud he could barely hear himself speak.  Everything seemed dim and far away.  JARVIS was saying something, but Tony couldn’t make it out.

He came back to himself some indeterminate time later, face wet with tears, head on Pepper’s shoulder as they sat side-by-side on the floor of his workshop.

 

~.~.~.

 

Tony stood in the darkened penthouse and stared out of the floor to ceiling windows as the first light of dawn brightened the Manhattan skyline. 

Sleep, difficult before, had become impossible after Steve’s visit. 

His dreams had already been filled with dark caves and unbearable pain, portals into the abyss and vast armies bearing down on an unprotected Earth.  Now he also dreamt of a man falling an impossible height as a mountain train sped away and callous men in lab coats tearing his mind and body apart.  He dreamt of his mother dying at an assassin’s hands on a cold December night. 

And sometimes the dreams morphed and changed, blending into one another.  He dreamt he was back in Afghanistan, Raza towering above him, but now Tony was strapped down in HYDRA’s chair, screaming as any sense of self was burnt away.  A creature with Tony’s face building the Jericho missile and countless other weapons without care or conscience for the death they would unleash.  His hands following orders to turn those weapons on innocents, on Pepper, on Happy, on Rhodey. He dreamt of dying, and a monster living in his skin.

He lay his forehead against the window, the cool glass a relief to his aching head.

“JARVIS, I don’t want to speak to Steve, but I want you to record a voicemail for him.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Tony took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “You’re an asshole, Steve, and I’ll probably break my hand on your perfect teeth the next time I see you, but that’s not why I’m leaving you this message.  Your friend was tortured for decades and had all ability to choose right from wrong stripped from him, so you want everything he did as the Winter Soldier to be forgiven and forgotten.  I want him to die a bloody and gruesome death, possible involving fire ants, but I’m aware enough to know that’s just the murderous rage talking.  Neither of us are going to get what we want, so I’m going to offer a compromise. 

“I know you, Widow, and Birdman 2.0 are already searching for Barnes.  I’ll help you find him, pay for your travel, run every electronic search known to man, smooth your way with local authorities.  When you find him, though, you bring him in.  Like I said, psychiatrists, therapists, lawyers, the works.  Even my retro framing technology.  I will keep the vultures at bay.  No one will touch him.  I won’t even go near him.  But Steve, he does not leave custody until every hold HYDRA has on him is gone.  If that takes the rest of his natural life, then so be it.  If you take him and run, I will hunt the two of you down and I will not pull my punches.

“That’s the deal, Steve.  Take it or leave it.”

Silence fell across the penthouse and Tony watched the sun peak above the horizon.

 

~.~.~.

 

Steve, to Tony’s surprise, called back the next day to accept the deal.  Tony learned afterwards that it had taken considerable effort on Natasha’s part to convince him that it was the best course of action, but as long as it kept the uneasy tension between him and Tony from devolving into a full out battle, Tony would take it.

Six months later, following information provided by Tony and JARVIS, Steve Rogers knocked on the door of a small apartment in an unassuming neighborhood of Bucharest.  Tony had no idea how that conversation went down, but Steve must have said something right since there were no subsequent explosions or dramatic chases.  Instead, twenty-four hours after that, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes followed Steve into the new Avengers Compound in upstate New York.

Tony had started planning the compound soon after the fall of SHIELD, knowing the team would require training and other facilities that previously had been provided by intelligence agency.  With Steve’s bombshell about what his childhood buddy had been up to for the last seventy years, though, the need for a secure location to house the former Winter Soldier became an immediate priority and Tony had begun construction as quickly as possible.  Now the compound housed the all of the full-time Avengers besides Tony, a skeleton Avengers support staff, the doctors working to dig HYDRA out of Barnes’ brain, and one former Winter Soldier.

For the most part, Tony stayed well away.  He came to the compound for training, and any official Avengers business that came up, but he didn’t linger.  Just knowing Barnes was nearby, even if he was confined to the secure suite of rooms built for him, set Tony’s teeth on edge.  The separation put a distance between himself and the rest of the team he regretted. No matter how understanding the others were, it hurt to listen to Sam ribbing Steve about a girlfriend Tony knew nothing about, or Natasha sharing an in-joke with Bruce that Tony didn’t understand, or Thor and Clint planning a video game marathon Tony wouldn’t be around to participate in.  The team always tried to include him while he was there, but it wasn’t the same and there was no way to change that.  At least they continued to work well in the field.

Away from the compound Tony did his best not to think about Barnes.  Thinking about the man too long led to an intense desire on Tony’s part to return to the compound with the sole intention of shooting him in the face with a unibeam, which would definitely render Tony’s deal with Steve null and void, and that deal was the only justice Tony was ever going to have in this situation.  He couldn’t kill Barnes.  He knew, he _knew_ , that Barnes had only been a tool, a weapon.  He’d had no choice in what he did.  So even though Tony really fucking wanted to, he couldn’t kill Barnes.  If Steve kept his side of the deal, though, and didn’t rabbit with the man to keep HYDRA’s deadliest assassin safe from the big bad world, then there was still something Tony could do.

That something was to make sure HYDRA was torn out of the man’s head by the god damn roots.     

He brought in the most accomplished specialists from across the world and bribed them with an outrageous amount of funding and access to state of the art equipment.  He completed his retro framing technology.  Tony himself stayed far away, but he provided everyone and everything he could think of to ensure that from now on Barnes would always have a choice.  After that, he tried to make himself forget about Barnes entirely.  If Barnes’ choice was ever to hurt another innocent again, though?  Well, Tony would have a unibeam blast with his name on it.

 

~.~.~.

 

Of course, all good things must come to an end, and Tony’s preferred method of coping with Barnes’ existence by ignoring said existence ended when the senior neuroscientist working with the former assassin asked Tony for his opinion on the most recent retro framing data. 

“We think there is a second distinct identity.”

Tony paused, coffee mug halfway to his mouth, as he blinked at Dr. Saanvi Patel’s image on the holographic screen.  He carefully set the mug down on his workbench.

“I’m sorry.  You think there is someone else kicking around in Barnes’ brain?”   

Dr. Patel nodded.  “There is a strong probability that there is a personality state separate from the James Barnes we have been working with, yes.  There have been several incidents that occurred when James was startled or stressed.”  Tony straightened at that, concerned, but Dr. Patel immediately raised her hands in a calming gesture.  “We have taken all appropriate precautions for the safety of both our patient and our team.  No one was harmed and nothing damaged aside from a few pieces of expensive equipment.”

She waited until Tony had settled back into his seat to continue.  “I bring this up only because EEG readings were recorded during two of those incidents.”  Charts appeared on the screen next to Dr. Patel’s image.  “I’ve indicated on the chart the time at which each incident occurred.  As you can see the brainwave patterns before each incident match the brainwave patterns we have recorded from James Barnes on other occasions.  During each incident, however, the brainwaves shift into a new pattern at the same time his behavior changes.  After a few minutes James Barnes appears to come back to himself and the brainwaves return to their usual pattern.”

“And you think the new pattern is the second identity?” Tony asked.  At Dr. Patel’s agreement, Tony sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  “Not to be rude, but why bring this to me?  I’m providing the funding and the tech, but I have nothing to do with Barnes’ actual treatment.  That would be a giant conflict of interest for reasons I know you’ve been briefed on.”

“Dr. Stark, I understand, and if there was another option I would have taken it.  From what we have gleaned from HYDRA’s files on the Winter Soldier, however, your retro framing technology would be the most likely method for effectively removing the triggers left by HYDRA.  Unfortunately, _James Barnes_ cannot access those memories while using your apparatus.”  The EEG charts are replaced by data from a retro framing session. 

“Shit,” Tony said as he studied the screen.

“James can vividly recall details of his life up until HYDRA first subjected him to the memory suppression machine,” Dr. Patel explained quietly.  “He can do the same for memories following his escape after the fall of SHIELD.  Your technology has already helped James begin to work through the torture HYDRA subjected him to during the first few years after he fell into their hands.  However, except for a few brief occasions, James describes his memories after the machine and before his escape as unfocused, as if they happened to someone else and he can’t quite grasp them.  At first we thought it was a side effect of the memory suppression machine itself …”

Tony crossed his arms, grinding his teeth in frustration.  “But now you think it’s because those memories were experienced by the second identity.  You need to work with that identity, not James Barnes, to manipulate those memories and remove HYDRA’s triggers.”

“Yes, but we haven’t been able to the bring the personality state forward in a controlled setting.  James wasn’t even aware of its existence.  We don’t even know how conscious of the outside world this second identity is when not in control.” 

He looked away from the screen and pursed his lips in an effort not to curse.  He had really, really hoped not to become involved with anything involving Barnes ever again.  Finally, resigned, he lowered his arms and turned back to Dr. Patel.  “Alright.  I’ll look at the data and I’ll get back to you if I have any ideas.”

“Thank you, Dr. Stark.”

Tony just nodded wearily and closed the hologram screen with a wave of his hand.  He reluctantly brought up the data Dr. Patel had sent and began to work.  He was sickened all over again by the lengths HYDRA had gone to in order to completely break a man.  As Dr. Patel had said, they hadn’t been able to access the memories after the first memory wipe, but the torture Barnes experienced before that point, now a horrifying immersive experience thanks to the retro framing recordings, was terrible in and of itself. 

It wasn’t as if Tony had forgotten that folder Steve had brought with him when he first told Tony about the Winter Soldier.  Even almost a year later Tony still had nightmares about its contents.  But Tony had been preoccupied at the time, first trying to keep Steve from going rogue and ending up wanted by nearly every country in the world and then dealing with his feelings of grief and white-hot fury over his parents’ murder.  Barnes’ own tragedy was something Tony hadn’t been ready to contemplate. 

Now, though, as he examined the data associated with these painful recordings, Tony found some of his anger finally fade, replaced by a tired sort of sadness.  James Barnes had gone through hell.  Had been through such horrors that his psyche had fractured under the weight.  No one should have to experience that.  It wasn’t forgiveness Tony felt, not yet, but it was something close.   

Which brought him a week later to a room in the part of the compound Tony had studiously avoided.  The room was painted a soft blue, an attempt to create a calming atmosphere Tony assumed, although the bulletproof glass wall that split the room in half somewhat ruined the effect.  On both sides of the glass wall were several comfortable looking chairs.  A door on one side of the glass wall led to Barnes’ suite of rooms, while the door on the opposite side led to a hallway and the area of the compound where Barnes’ specialists had offices.  The room was monitored by cameras and microphones.  Steve had objected to both the surveillance and the bulletproof glass wall at first, but Tony had been adamant.  Until all of HYDRA’s controls on Barnes were removed, those measures protected Barnes from anyone trying to reach him as much as they protected the team working to remove those controls.     

Heart racing and hands sweating, Tony sat down in the chair farthest to the right.  To his left sat Dr. Patel, then another specialist, this one a psychologist named Dr. Rebecca Kaplan, and finally Steve.  Across from them, through the thick wall of bulletproof glass, sat a rough looking Barnes.  His dark hair was long and scraggly, his jaw was covered by a few days-worth of stubble, and there were dark circles under his eyes.  He didn’t slouch, but his knee bounced nervously, his eyes kept flickering from one person to the other, and he kept rubbing and fingering the hem of his red Henley with his flesh hand in an obvious self-soothing gesture.  Tony felt a pang of concern despite his own roiling emotions.

“James,” Dr. Kaplan began gently.  Barnes still flinched and whipped his head around, eyes wide, to face the psychologist.  Dr. Kaplan waited patiently until Barnes’ breathing slowed down and he nodded to show he was listening.  “I’ve spoken with you about the likelihood of your suffering from a form of dissociative identity disorder.”

“Yeah,” said Barnes, voice low and rough.  He looked nervously at the others before returning his gaze to Dr. Kaplan, still worrying the hem of his shirt.  “Since I got away from HYDRA, sometimes … sometimes I’d look in the mirror and wouldn’t be sure if it was me looking back.  And I’d hear a voice when no one else was around.  Couldn’t make out what it was saying, like it was whispering, but it was there.  Thought I was going crazy.”  Barnes quirked his lips.  “Guess I was right.”

Dr. Kaplan leaned forward, sincere and kind.  “James, you found yourself in an impossible situation and your mind did what it had to do in order for you to survive.  You are not crazy.  You are only coping with the trauma inflicted upon you.”  Barnes looked down and didn’t respond except to give an awkward shrug.

After a quiet moment, Dr. Kaplan continued.  “Your second identity has so far only come forward when you are in extreme distress and has understandably reacted violently.  Otherwise that identity has remained suppressed, either by choice or necessity.  I would prefer to exercise patience and allow this personality state to come forward in its own time, but we must balance that against the danger of allowing HYDRA’s triggers to remain indefinitely.  With this in mind, Dr. Patel and Dr. Stark have a suggestion for drawing this identity out.”

Barnes turned apprehensively towards Dr. Patel who picked up the thread of the discussion. 

“You have told us that soon after you escaped from HYDRA, your memories slowly began to return.”  Barnes flinched slightly, shooting a guilty look towards Tony, as Dr. Patel continued.  “Those memories that occurred after HYDRA began to use the memory suppression machine, however, feel detached and unfocused, probably because they occurred while the other identity was in control.  You are unable to manipulate any of those memories using the retro framing glasses.”

Barnes frowned and shifted uncomfortably, looking frustrated.  “Yeah, I know all that.  We’ve tried it often enough.  You got another idea?”

Dr. Patel nodded.   “With a small modification to the retro framing glasses, we believe you will be able to observe and project a memory from that time, even if you can’t manipulate it.  If we can find an appropriate memory to project, it is our hope that the personality state will come forward on its own.”

Barnes’ gave a bark of incredulous laughter.  “You want to draw him out using those memories?  There is nothing but pain and death and blood.  You’ve said he was violent before.  I don’t think you’re ready to deal with him if you use those memories to draw him out.”

“Barnes,” Tony said, drawing the other man’s attention to him.  “You know who I am, right?”  At Barnes’ wary nod, Tony takes a deep breath before he continues.  “Then you know I was held for three months by the Ten Rings.  I was beaten, tortured, had a hole cut in my chest without anesthetic where they put a magnet attached to car battery.  Believe me when I say there are no ‘happy memories’ from that time.  But there were a few moments that were not quite as horrible as the rest.  We’re not asking for a good memory of your time with HYDRA.  Just a moment of relative calm.  That’s all.”

The other man studied Tony for a long moment then looked away, brow furrowed in thought.  Eventually he looked back at Tony, and then Dr. Patel.  “I think … maybe running.  Sometimes, during training, they’d make me … him … run for miles.  Everything else they did hurt, but not that.  It was just … running.”

“Good, James,” Dr. Patel said with a small smile.  “That is exactly what we were looking for.”

“In the interest of full disclosure,” Tony added, “I’ll need to be looped into the retro framing projection when you attempt this.  Each pair of retro framing glasses are attuned to a single person.  Normally, that isn’t a problem, but there may be some adjustments that need to be made on the fly to accommodate a second personality.”

“I don’t …” Barnes trailed off, looking uneasy.  Tony didn’t blame him.  If their situations were reversed Tony would have been leery of having Barnes in his head as well.

“Buck,” Steve said, speaking up for the first time.  “No one is going to force you to do this.  It’s your decision.  If it helps, though, I trust everyone here when they say they want to help you.”  Tony was surprised, and pleased, by the unexpected declaration.

Barnes considered Steve’s words before finally nodding, tension leaking out of his body.  “Sounds like a plan, then.  When do we do this?”

“First thing tomorrow,” Dr. Patel replied, “this afternoon and evening I want you to choose one of your running memories, whichever you find easiest to visualize, and try to remember as many details as you can.  Write them down if it helps you.”

Decisions made, everyone soon disbanded to prepare for the following morning.  Tony had plenty of work to finish before then but for some reason the image of Barnes stroking the soft fabric of his Henley to keep himself calm stuck with him as he made his way back to the Tower.  With a huff of irritation at himself he stopped at a store along the way to make a couple purchases that were sure to send the gossip mags in a tizzy.

 

~.~.~.

 

The following morning, Tony and Barnes met in the same room on their respective sides of the bulletproof glass. 

“There’s a box on your side of the glass.  Go ahead an open it,” Tony said distractedly as he completed various system checks. 

“What is it?” Barnes asked, sitting down and pulling the box towards him. 

“New retro framing glasses updated for this experiment,” he said before taking a gulp of his coffee.  He possibly hadn’t slept the night before, nervous about how this morning would go.  Possibly.

There was a weighty pause from Barnes.  “And the toys?”

Tony looked over and smirked when he saw Barnes holding a large stuffed goose in one hand, and a large stuffed duck in the other.  They had been the softest stuffed animals that the store sold.

“What?  Stuffed animals are always a great gift idea.  I once gave my girlfriend a giant stuffed rabbit.  Of course, she’s since broken up with me, but I don’t think it was the rabbit’s fault.  The duck is yours, by the way.  Make sure to hold on to him.  Very important for today’s experiment.”

Barnes rolled his eyes but dutifully put the goose back in the box while holding onto the duck.  Tony gave himself a mental pat on the back when, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Barnes rubbing a hand along the duck’s soft fabric and smiling slightly.

“Alright,” Tony said a few minutes later, turning to face Barnes fully, “all systems check out.  You ready to give this a shot?”

Barnes took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Yeah, let’s … let’s try this.”

“You know the drill.  Put on the glasses and think of the memory you want to experience.  Don’t be surprised when I appear in the memory with you.”

Nodding once, Barnes put on the glasses.  As soon as Tony was sure the new equipment was projecting the memory properly, Tony put his own glasses on.

He found himself standing on top of a grassy hill watching a figure running at a brutal pace along a trail some distance away.  All of the colors in the projection were muted and the edges blurry, as if being viewed through frosted glass.  Beside him, in bright contrast compared to the dulled surroundings, stood a projection of modern day Barnes.

Tony quickly brought up a hologram screen within the projection so he could monitor the retro framing data.  He made a few adjustments when he saw Barnes’ regular patterns were already beginning to shift.  “Doing okay, Barnes?”

“Yeah, it just feels strange.  I remember this, vaguely, but at the same time it doesn’t feel like mine.  I’m just an …”

Tony snapped his head to the side when Barnes stopped speaking.  Barnes froze and began to fade and a moment later the projection around them came to brilliant life.  Colors and sounds surrounded him, he heard birds chirping and felt the heat from the sun overhead.  He turned to check on the running figure and found a man with James Barnes’ face who was definitely not James Barnes staring back at him.  Despite knowing the projection couldn’t harm him, Tony still felt a cold chill run down his back when the Winter Soldier began to stalk towards him.

“Hey, there, Cool Stuff,” Tony calls with false cheer when the Winter Soldier stopped a couple dozen feet in front of him.  “We’ve been looking for you.”

The Winter Soldier merely stared at him impassively.

“Okay,” Tony drawls out.  “Well, I was hoping to have your other half available to help me explain,” he says, indicating the frozen and faded image of Barnes, “but I guess I only get one of you at a time.  My name is Tony Stark …”

“Anthony Edward Stark.  Threat assessment: Extremely High.  Recruit if possible.  Eliminate if recruitment fails,” the Winter Soldier recited in a monotone voice.

Tony cringed.  “Great.  HYDRA thinks highly of me.  That’s … nice.”

The Winter Soldier stepped closer.  Tony fought the urge to step back.  “What is my mission?”

“Mission?  No mission.  No more missions ever again,” Tony said rapidly, gesturing with his arms to emphasize the point.  “You’re free as a bird.  Well, getting there.  That’s what I’m here to talk about actually.”

“Unacceptable.  The Asset must have a mission.  The Asset is useless without a mission.  The Asset is punished if it fails the mission.”  A hint of emotion slipped into the Winter Soldier’s voice.

“No.  No punishment.  And you’re not the Asset, you’re not a thing, you’re a person.  You’re name … well, I’m not sure what your name is, but we’ll call you Winter for right now, okay?”

“New designation for the Asset, Winter, accepted.”  He paused, then continued, “The Asset does not know how to be a person.”

Tony ran a hand roughly over his mouth.  That was … that was heartbreaking, was what it was.  “A person … I am so not qualified for this.  I don’t know … A person has emotions, like happiness or sadness.  A person has preferences, like a favorite color.  A person has choices, like choosing right from wrong.  I’ve got nearly a dozen people I’ve hired out there who will teach you how to be a person.  And the first part of that is working on removing HYDRA’s hold on you.”

The Winter Soldier’s posture stiffened.  “The Asset is the Fist of HYDRA.  HYDRA created the Asset.  If you remove HYDRA, the Asset will cease to exist.”

Tony shook his head vehemently.  “No, Snowflake, HYDRA didn’t create you.  You created you.  HYDRA just took advantage.  I promise, if you help us get HYDRA out of your head, there will be no punishments, no missions.  Can you trust me?”

“No.  The Asset killed Howard and Maria Stark.  Possible motivation for deceiving the Asset is revenge.”

Tony cringed.  That was fair.  A few months ago, and it would even have been true.  “Yeah, okay.  Is there anyone you would believe?”

The Winter Soldier studied him for a moment before his gaze moved to the frozen image of James Barnes.  “The Asset will speak to the Other.”  With that Barnes, the Winter Soldier, and the projection around them blinked out of existence. 

Tony sighed and removed his glasses.  When he looked over, Barnes was blinking at him, confused.  “What happened?” asked Barnes as he rubbed his eyes.  “I was … HOLY SHIT,” Barnes jumped out of his chair as if he had been pinched and looked around him wildly before he turned wide eyes on Tony.  “Holy shit, he’s talking to me.  I can hear him plain as day.”

Tony snorted.  “Well, he certainly doesn’t waste time.  You talk to him.  I’ll send Dr. Patel and Dr. Kaplan in.  I think your other half would prefer any explanations came from them.  Tell him the goose is his.”

Barnes looked a little freaked out about talking to the voice in his head but nodded quickly.

“Everything will work out.  Good luck, Barnes,” Tony said before he opened the door and went to find the people who would be able to help.

 

~.~.~.

 

Tony had intended to put the whole situation with Barnes and the Winter Soldier behind him, but, like watching Barnes fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt, he hadn’t been able to let his conversation with the Winter Soldier go.

First, he sent two large boxes of Crayola crayons and a thick stack of those fancy coloring books that were all the rage.  A person should know what their favorite color is.

Next he sent a couple of StarkPads.  He filled them to the brim with the science fiction and fantasy books and comics Steve had once mentioned his friend had enjoyed, but he also included an eclectic selection of other books ranging from the humorous to the tragic and all sorts of genres in between.   A person should know what it’s like to feel happy or sad.

After that he sent a couple more StarkPads filled with movies.  There were classic and blockbuster movies and television shows but hidden among them were episodes of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Sesame Street.  A person should be able to choose right from wrong.

Tony didn’t know if the gifts were appreciated, or even opened.  He couldn’t fault the Winter Soldier for being paranoid after all.  Nevertheless, with each gift Tony was able to let go of a little more anger, a little more resentment.  He found he could spend more time at the compound and with the team.  Everything became a little easier and the smiles from the team when he finally accepted a dinner invitation felt like a victory. 

 

~.~.~.

 

Because Tony only hired the best, and both James Barnes and the Winter Soldier were apparently stubborn bastards, eventually the team of specialists were able to clear all of HYDRA’s triggers and sign off on their release from custody.  They would continue to see Dr. Kaplan and a few others, but they were now free to go where they wished.  Tony didn’t come to the quiet celebration at the compound.  No matter what Steve insisted, it wasn’t his place.  He was happy to know it happened, though.  All of them had made it to the other side of this more or less intact.  It was enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> _Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong - Mahatma Gandhi_
> 
>  
> 
> So, funny story. This was meant to be part of the same fic as [Trying Too Hard](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14815481). If you've read that then you know the two turned out to be _nothing alike_. The angst just would not stop in this fic. I'm happy with it, but still.
> 
> VERY SLIGHT BLACK PANTHER AND INFINITY WAR SPOILER  
> I know in MCU canon Shuri is the one to help Bucky with HYDRA's conditioning. I considered trying to work her into this story, but in the end decided against it. Without the events of Captain America:Civil War and T'Challa's debt to Bucky, I found it unlikely Wakanda would have become involved in this situation, especially this early in canon. I do love Shuri, though, so don't be surprised if she appears in a later story.
> 
> I don't post often, but I can be found here on [Tumblr](http://arboreal-elm-ash-oak.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> I'd love to hear from you. Comments are food for the fic writer's soul. :)


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